I have a bad habit; I like to try and bite off more than I can chew. The problem, I believe, stems from this idea I have that I can do anything. Within the laws of physics, of course. And as long as it doesn't involve any sort of skates or wheels on my feet. Other than that, I have this insane confidence that, if I just work hard enough and sacrifice a little sleep here and there, I can tackle just about anything. Well, that thought process has finally met its downfall. This semester, I decided to take math 122.I have to get up to 140 to get my associate's in music, and 120/121/122 are the math classes you have to take before moving on to 140. And while they all teach the same math level, they are not identical in difficulty. 120 tends to meet every day, and have a review chapter at the beginning. 122, however, meets only twice a week, no review. I thought that I could handle 122. I really did. Boy, was I wrong.
First of all, math has never, ever since I was a child, been a strong point for me. Quite the opposite, in fact. It's been the only class to consistently keep me from that 4.0 GPA I so crave, keeping me within the range of 3.5-3.8, or even 3.9. But the only times I get a 4.0 are when I'm not enrolled in a math class.
Anyway, I thought that, with the only other class I'd be taking that didn't have anything to do with music or acting being history, I could totally keep up with 122. And I'm more sad than I can say to be proven wrong. No matter how much time I've spent on the homework, or how many notes and tutorials I've looked at online (I haven't gotten individual tutoring because I couldn't fit it into my school/work schedule), it just wasn't clicking for me. Usually my trouble with math is remembering what I've learned. I've never not been able to understand what I was being taught. In any class. Ever.
I don't blame the teacher, he's fantastic, and when I'm in class and he's showing us step by step, I understand it completely. It's when I strike out on my own that it all falls apart. Maybe if I had time to go to the tutoring center, or if I had taken 120, or if I hadn't had the play at the beginning of the semester that kept me up till 1 in the morning every night before having class at 9am every day. Maybe, I don't know. All I know is, I just finished emailing my math teacher asking him to withdraw me, and promising to either take his online class over the summer, or 120 in the Fall. I do have a test tomorrow in math, but I already know I'm not going to pass. This is a new thing for me.
Please, understand that my saying I know I'm not going to pass isn't me just being all woe is me, or being down on myself. I don't think I'm stupid. I just think that, for whatever reason, this class this semester is too much for me to handle. Maybe if I had better study and sleep habits. Maybe, maybe a lot of things. All I know is, as crappy as I feel for what, in my mind, I consider giving up, I know that if I don't understand the basics of what we're doing now, I won't be able to understand them later on. I'm still having to go back and review chapter one almost every day, and the teacher himself said that if we didn't understand chapter one completely, we were going to have a hard time in the class. And he was right. Maybe if I had a better understanding of chapter one.
I just hoping I'm not making a huge mistake, and that I can still graduate in Spring 2015 with my associate's. Even if I don't have my associate's by then, I am going to start looking t universities to transfer to, and scholarships and things I can get. I love MCC, I do, but I am so beyond ready to move on and see what else the world has to offer.
The important thing is God still loves me, even if this is a big mistake, He still loves and cares for me, and though this may cause some strife that possibly could have been avoided, I know that in the end, it will all turn out ok. I'll just have to marry a math genius or an accountant, that's all. Or a millionaire, that works too :P
No comments:
Post a Comment