Ok, so if you're not the person named above, you're still welcome to read on, but this is specifically for her, as I am awful, and have not written her a letter and sent it yet (sorry again!) since I got her last letter. So if you have no idea what's going on or what I'm talking about, that's why.
Dear Hermana Clanton,
First of all, I AM SO SORRY, I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON, IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG SINCE I LAST WROTE YOU, SORRY, SORRY SORRY!
My wisdom teeth surgery went well. I'm sorry to inform you that I was not silly at all. I apparently cried the entire time. Cried, and whined that I looked like a chipmunk. But oh well, could have been worse. At least I compared myself to a chipmunk! I recovered pretty quickly. My surgery was on Saturday, and I was able to eat mac and cheese by Monday, and I had very little swelling. Seriously, you couldn't tell I had just had surgery by just looking at me!
So, remember that Christmas choir I was a part of? Well, we got invited to audition to sing the National Anthem at the Diamondback's Mormon night! And we got it! I'm proud to say that I got chosen to sing the high A in the audition tape! (the group was small enough that we only needed one person on the high note. At the actual game, we'll probably need three on it) It's on April 15th, and I'm super excited for it! :) This will be my second time performing at a Diamondback's game!
I got a new car. A brand new, little morning sky blue Versa Note. I'm leasing it for three years, with the intent to either purchase or trade in at the end of it, and my monthly payments are reasonable :) Also, I am now employed at three (yes, you read that correctly, three) places. One of them is only during school breaks, and another one is only during school, so I'm only going to be working 2 jobs at any given time :) I'm an office assistant at MCC, I'm a teaching assistant for the Mesa Arts Center's workshops for kids over the Summer, and am a part-time care-giver for elderly people who live at home. And after the Summer, I'm planning on NOT working on campus, but since I can't be both a full time care-giver AND a full time student, I'm going to probably get yet another part-time job, like at a restaurant or store or something, and continue working two part-time jobs while going to school.
I'm also moving out in July, so I've started saving up and looking around at a few different options. I'd like to stay in my current ward if possible, but it's not going to be a huge deal-breaker if I find a great place for cheap(ish) that's not.
I'm planning on just getting my general education associate's degree, and then finish my Bachelor's degree in (music or theatre) once I transfer to a university. I'm currently a vocal performance major, but I also want to study classical acting, so Idk. Lots f prayer and study and thoughts will be going into this big decision throughtout the next year or so :) I did find a few universities I'd be interested in attending, but aside from being split on a major, I also have to think about money :P (and I didn't even mention the fact that I want to somehow minor in genetics, don't get me started on how I'm going to manage that)
So, fun little tid-bit, in my acting 2 class right now, we're studying Shakespeare (Yay!) and I'm doing a two person scene from Othello, and in this scene, I get murdered. Well, one day, my acting partner (Jared) and I met up to practice in the theatre, but it was being used for something else, so we couldn't go in, so we decided to rehearse it outside instead. Now, not only am I being murdered in this scene, I put up a bit of a fight, and there's a lot of running and screaming involved (you'd scream too, if someone was trying to catch and strangle you!), so the looks we got from the people walking by was priceless, oh my goodness, so funny! Almost as funny when our class had to do our Greek monologues outside, and we'd go from almost whispering one second to shouting the next (the Greeks were all about the drama :P)
No guys in my life just now, and I'm cool with that :) I think I'm just starting to get the hang of being a single, full-time student, working adult who has to do things like make a car payment every month, and file for taxes (still need to do that! Yikes!), go grocery shopping, etc... Not saying that if the right guy came along, I'd be opposed to a relationship, but I definitely am not waiting around for prince charming or anything. I'm planning my life as though I'm going to have to support myself for a while, and plus, with the whole wanting to go out of state, possibly the country, for future college studies, a relationship might be difficult. Again, not saying no to the right person when he comes along, just not holding my breath waiting for him :)
The summer musical at MCC is going to either be Legally Blonde (if they can get the rights to it), or Guys and Dolls (if they don't get the rights to Legally Blonde). I'm excited for whichever one they do, though I probably won't have time to be a part of it this year, what with 2 jobs and trying to find an apartment and all that. Plus, I still need to figure out how to apply for summer fafsa. I already turned in my fall application, but I didn't see a place for summer term o.O (<---- confused face) I really want to just knock off a couple classes over the Summer so I can graduate ASAP and start looking at future plans and auditioning for programs and scholarships. As soon as I figure out which program I want to do, that is :P
That's really all I can think of right now. I know you asked me some questions, but I don't have the letter with me right now to answer them, so when I get home, I'll be sure to find it and answer them in my next blog post :) Write back whenever you have time, no rush! Be safe, and keep spreading the gospel :)
Love,
Laura
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Biting off too much
I have a bad habit; I like to try and bite off more than I can chew. The problem, I believe, stems from this idea I have that I can do anything. Within the laws of physics, of course. And as long as it doesn't involve any sort of skates or wheels on my feet. Other than that, I have this insane confidence that, if I just work hard enough and sacrifice a little sleep here and there, I can tackle just about anything. Well, that thought process has finally met its downfall. This semester, I decided to take math 122.I have to get up to 140 to get my associate's in music, and 120/121/122 are the math classes you have to take before moving on to 140. And while they all teach the same math level, they are not identical in difficulty. 120 tends to meet every day, and have a review chapter at the beginning. 122, however, meets only twice a week, no review. I thought that I could handle 122. I really did. Boy, was I wrong.
First of all, math has never, ever since I was a child, been a strong point for me. Quite the opposite, in fact. It's been the only class to consistently keep me from that 4.0 GPA I so crave, keeping me within the range of 3.5-3.8, or even 3.9. But the only times I get a 4.0 are when I'm not enrolled in a math class.
Anyway, I thought that, with the only other class I'd be taking that didn't have anything to do with music or acting being history, I could totally keep up with 122. And I'm more sad than I can say to be proven wrong. No matter how much time I've spent on the homework, or how many notes and tutorials I've looked at online (I haven't gotten individual tutoring because I couldn't fit it into my school/work schedule), it just wasn't clicking for me. Usually my trouble with math is remembering what I've learned. I've never not been able to understand what I was being taught. In any class. Ever.
I don't blame the teacher, he's fantastic, and when I'm in class and he's showing us step by step, I understand it completely. It's when I strike out on my own that it all falls apart. Maybe if I had time to go to the tutoring center, or if I had taken 120, or if I hadn't had the play at the beginning of the semester that kept me up till 1 in the morning every night before having class at 9am every day. Maybe, I don't know. All I know is, I just finished emailing my math teacher asking him to withdraw me, and promising to either take his online class over the summer, or 120 in the Fall. I do have a test tomorrow in math, but I already know I'm not going to pass. This is a new thing for me.
Please, understand that my saying I know I'm not going to pass isn't me just being all woe is me, or being down on myself. I don't think I'm stupid. I just think that, for whatever reason, this class this semester is too much for me to handle. Maybe if I had better study and sleep habits. Maybe, maybe a lot of things. All I know is, as crappy as I feel for what, in my mind, I consider giving up, I know that if I don't understand the basics of what we're doing now, I won't be able to understand them later on. I'm still having to go back and review chapter one almost every day, and the teacher himself said that if we didn't understand chapter one completely, we were going to have a hard time in the class. And he was right. Maybe if I had a better understanding of chapter one.
I just hoping I'm not making a huge mistake, and that I can still graduate in Spring 2015 with my associate's. Even if I don't have my associate's by then, I am going to start looking t universities to transfer to, and scholarships and things I can get. I love MCC, I do, but I am so beyond ready to move on and see what else the world has to offer.
The important thing is God still loves me, even if this is a big mistake, He still loves and cares for me, and though this may cause some strife that possibly could have been avoided, I know that in the end, it will all turn out ok. I'll just have to marry a math genius or an accountant, that's all. Or a millionaire, that works too :P
First of all, math has never, ever since I was a child, been a strong point for me. Quite the opposite, in fact. It's been the only class to consistently keep me from that 4.0 GPA I so crave, keeping me within the range of 3.5-3.8, or even 3.9. But the only times I get a 4.0 are when I'm not enrolled in a math class.
Anyway, I thought that, with the only other class I'd be taking that didn't have anything to do with music or acting being history, I could totally keep up with 122. And I'm more sad than I can say to be proven wrong. No matter how much time I've spent on the homework, or how many notes and tutorials I've looked at online (I haven't gotten individual tutoring because I couldn't fit it into my school/work schedule), it just wasn't clicking for me. Usually my trouble with math is remembering what I've learned. I've never not been able to understand what I was being taught. In any class. Ever.
I don't blame the teacher, he's fantastic, and when I'm in class and he's showing us step by step, I understand it completely. It's when I strike out on my own that it all falls apart. Maybe if I had time to go to the tutoring center, or if I had taken 120, or if I hadn't had the play at the beginning of the semester that kept me up till 1 in the morning every night before having class at 9am every day. Maybe, I don't know. All I know is, I just finished emailing my math teacher asking him to withdraw me, and promising to either take his online class over the summer, or 120 in the Fall. I do have a test tomorrow in math, but I already know I'm not going to pass. This is a new thing for me.
Please, understand that my saying I know I'm not going to pass isn't me just being all woe is me, or being down on myself. I don't think I'm stupid. I just think that, for whatever reason, this class this semester is too much for me to handle. Maybe if I had better study and sleep habits. Maybe, maybe a lot of things. All I know is, as crappy as I feel for what, in my mind, I consider giving up, I know that if I don't understand the basics of what we're doing now, I won't be able to understand them later on. I'm still having to go back and review chapter one almost every day, and the teacher himself said that if we didn't understand chapter one completely, we were going to have a hard time in the class. And he was right. Maybe if I had a better understanding of chapter one.
I just hoping I'm not making a huge mistake, and that I can still graduate in Spring 2015 with my associate's. Even if I don't have my associate's by then, I am going to start looking t universities to transfer to, and scholarships and things I can get. I love MCC, I do, but I am so beyond ready to move on and see what else the world has to offer.
The important thing is God still loves me, even if this is a big mistake, He still loves and cares for me, and though this may cause some strife that possibly could have been avoided, I know that in the end, it will all turn out ok. I'll just have to marry a math genius or an accountant, that's all. Or a millionaire, that works too :P
I'd rather be singing....
I'd rather be singing. That's usually my thought process when I'm in the middle of math class, or when I finish a test early, or when eating lunch, or sleeping, or doing homework, or watching tv, etc... You get the point. There are very, very few times in my day to day life that I don't feel like bursting into song at any moment. The fact that I am able to control this urge about 85% of the time astonishes me. Of course, it is helped by the fact that I get to sing at least 6 days out of the week. Five at school, as a vocal performance major, and every Sunday in church. That's really where this all started, church. Without it, I have no idea how long it would have taken me to discover my love of all things music, particularly singing.
Watching singing competitions is both exciting and dull for me. I love watching people go out there and do what they love to do, and I love all different types of voices and music and discovering new artists to listen to. That's the exciting part. The dull part, for me, is that I'm not up there with them. Because, you see, I'd rather be singing.
Dancing is great, and going to swing clubs and wedding receptions and the homecoming dance at school is all fun and games, and I LOVE to dance. But, more often than not, I find myself singing along to the song and paying more attention to how I'm harmonizing with the song than how I'm moving to it. This can be to my advantage, as I tend to be a better dancer when I stop thinking about it and just do it (I'm a chronic over thinker), but it also makes me sad. Why? Because, I'd rather be singing. I'd rather be up on that stage, in front of a mike, singing my heart out and busting a move than just dancing. And I really love to dance.
It takes a lot for me to not feel like singing. I have to be super sick, for example. The kind of sick where literally all you can do is lie in bed all day moaning and sleeping. Or, in the middle of a riveting discussion. Or, surprisingly enough, learning more about biology and genetics (I LOVE genetics, so much so that I'm trying to figure out how to minor in it without killing myself from work overload in the process). And even then, if given the choice, I'd most likely rather be singing. Maybe someday they'll come up with songs to help teach us about dominant and recessive genes. Or, my life will suddenly turn into a musical, and people will start singing and dancing what they want to say. I'd be so down for that, you have no idea...
I guess it's a good thing my major is so focused on music, particularly singing. And I guess it's a good thing I can carry a tune. It's always amazed me how what people want to do with their lives almost always seems to correlate with what they do best. Do we want to do what we want because we're good at it, or are we good at it because we love it so much we work at it till we are? Or is it a combination of the two? Or just sheer, dumb luck? I'm a fan of all of the above :) That, and God's plan for each of us. How lucky I am that I was given this love for performing, and the opportunity to do it as part of my career. Now, if you don't mind, I have some music to practice. After all, I'd rather be singing.
Watching singing competitions is both exciting and dull for me. I love watching people go out there and do what they love to do, and I love all different types of voices and music and discovering new artists to listen to. That's the exciting part. The dull part, for me, is that I'm not up there with them. Because, you see, I'd rather be singing.
Dancing is great, and going to swing clubs and wedding receptions and the homecoming dance at school is all fun and games, and I LOVE to dance. But, more often than not, I find myself singing along to the song and paying more attention to how I'm harmonizing with the song than how I'm moving to it. This can be to my advantage, as I tend to be a better dancer when I stop thinking about it and just do it (I'm a chronic over thinker), but it also makes me sad. Why? Because, I'd rather be singing. I'd rather be up on that stage, in front of a mike, singing my heart out and busting a move than just dancing. And I really love to dance.
It takes a lot for me to not feel like singing. I have to be super sick, for example. The kind of sick where literally all you can do is lie in bed all day moaning and sleeping. Or, in the middle of a riveting discussion. Or, surprisingly enough, learning more about biology and genetics (I LOVE genetics, so much so that I'm trying to figure out how to minor in it without killing myself from work overload in the process). And even then, if given the choice, I'd most likely rather be singing. Maybe someday they'll come up with songs to help teach us about dominant and recessive genes. Or, my life will suddenly turn into a musical, and people will start singing and dancing what they want to say. I'd be so down for that, you have no idea...
I guess it's a good thing my major is so focused on music, particularly singing. And I guess it's a good thing I can carry a tune. It's always amazed me how what people want to do with their lives almost always seems to correlate with what they do best. Do we want to do what we want because we're good at it, or are we good at it because we love it so much we work at it till we are? Or is it a combination of the two? Or just sheer, dumb luck? I'm a fan of all of the above :) That, and God's plan for each of us. How lucky I am that I was given this love for performing, and the opportunity to do it as part of my career. Now, if you don't mind, I have some music to practice. After all, I'd rather be singing.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
The Single Life
So, I had an epiphany last night; I like being single. Not only do I like being single, I can see myself staying single for a while. Now, that's not to say I would turn down Mr. Right when he comes along just to keep up with my netflix and pj weekends, but until "The One" comes along, I'm good. Let me explain.
Last night, my church had a picnic/speed dating activity. The girls brought a dinner for two in a basket or bag or container of some sort, while the guys brought a blanket and a dessert for two. First, we all had a lovely salad together in groups of 10 to 14 people. Then after 15 minutes or so, the guys picked a dinner and enjoyed a lovely starlit picnic with the girl who made the dinner they chose. After about 20 minutes, the girls would go and pick a dessert, and have dessert with the guy who brought whatever it is they chose. Pretty simple, yeah? And all in good fun. Not so much.
Oh, don't get me wrong, everyone there was great, the activity was well thought out, and I loved the picnic. My problem is not with the picnic, or with anyone that was there, or what did or didn't happen; my problem is with me, and the epiphany I had.
You see, right as the guys started walking towards the table laden with all our dinners in their various baskets and bags, I realized, I didn't want anyone to choose my dinner. Not that I have a problem sharing my food, I brought more than enough. I just realized, right in that moment, that despite my main objective of getting to know more guys in the hopes of getting a date or two (Actually, this is a lie. My ultimate main objective was to eat yummy food. Which I did, so mission accomplished :) ), I actually didn't want to walk away that night with any dates. And, I think I subconsciously knew that before going. Despite knowing that we were supposed to put our prepared dinners in a basket or bag of some sort, I instead went for the "container" portion of the invite, and put my mac and cheese (I was, and still am, recovering from getting my wisdom teeth out, and mac and cheese was one of the few solid foods I could eat at the time) in a little tupperware on top of two plastic plates. Not the most attractive thing in the world. But, honestly, I did't feel bad about it. Maybe I should have; after all, there were a lot of people who put a lot of effort not only into cooking the food, but in making it look nice. But I was content with my little plastic bowl and my mac and cheese. And then, when we all realized that there were more girls than guys, and that about 6 of us wouldn't (and didn't) get picked, oh, I was so relieved! No more pressure, no more having to explain why I'm eating funny, no more small talk, it was heaven! I got to sit with the other girls who also, unfortunately, were not picked, and one guy who came too late to pick a dinner.
Then, dessert time came. I went, picked a dessert, and ate with a very nice, very cool guy. We even exchanged some ballroom dance moves. But, though he was, again, very cool, I simply did not want to go out on a date with him. And not just him, with anybody. Thus, my epiphany.
Now, don't get me wrong, my epiphany isn't just that I like being single, but that I am beyond ok with being single and waiting until someone I can see myself being with for a very long time comes along. Maybe that will happen next week, maybe ten years from now. All I know is, right now, I am happy with my life where it is. I'm happy going to school and studying music. I'm happy with my job(s). I'm even happy that I'm currently experiencing major car trouble right now, as weird as that sounds. I'm just enjoying life, and all the wonderful things it's been throwing at me. I'm really happy with everything right now. Ok, yeah, I like too complain about how my jaw hurts, and I'm still eating funny, but it's better than the alternative, which is the wisdom teeth that were in my mouth squishing all my teeth together. And, I have to admit, I kind of liked being able to lounge around for a few days and not feel guilty. And, I've recovered so much faster than what the dentist told me I might. Like, seriously. Very little swelling, the bleeding stopped on the same day I got them out, and I can already eat solid food, albeit a little bit weird. But when it comes to the consumption of yummy food, what does that matter?
All in all, I'm doing good. I have great friends, a loving family, my relationship with God is growing by the day, I get to sing on an almost daily basis as part of my college studies, and so much more. Who says it's hard being single and happy? And you know what else I've noticed? I no longer feel jealous of anyone who IS in a relationship, like I used to. Now, I can honestly be happy for them, no strings attached. Who knows what will come of this new found freedom and joy I'm experiencing? Maybe little to nothing will change. Maybe everything will. But whatever happens, I know one thing for sure; it's a good life, single or not :)
Last night, my church had a picnic/speed dating activity. The girls brought a dinner for two in a basket or bag or container of some sort, while the guys brought a blanket and a dessert for two. First, we all had a lovely salad together in groups of 10 to 14 people. Then after 15 minutes or so, the guys picked a dinner and enjoyed a lovely starlit picnic with the girl who made the dinner they chose. After about 20 minutes, the girls would go and pick a dessert, and have dessert with the guy who brought whatever it is they chose. Pretty simple, yeah? And all in good fun. Not so much.
Oh, don't get me wrong, everyone there was great, the activity was well thought out, and I loved the picnic. My problem is not with the picnic, or with anyone that was there, or what did or didn't happen; my problem is with me, and the epiphany I had.
You see, right as the guys started walking towards the table laden with all our dinners in their various baskets and bags, I realized, I didn't want anyone to choose my dinner. Not that I have a problem sharing my food, I brought more than enough. I just realized, right in that moment, that despite my main objective of getting to know more guys in the hopes of getting a date or two (Actually, this is a lie. My ultimate main objective was to eat yummy food. Which I did, so mission accomplished :) ), I actually didn't want to walk away that night with any dates. And, I think I subconsciously knew that before going. Despite knowing that we were supposed to put our prepared dinners in a basket or bag of some sort, I instead went for the "container" portion of the invite, and put my mac and cheese (I was, and still am, recovering from getting my wisdom teeth out, and mac and cheese was one of the few solid foods I could eat at the time) in a little tupperware on top of two plastic plates. Not the most attractive thing in the world. But, honestly, I did't feel bad about it. Maybe I should have; after all, there were a lot of people who put a lot of effort not only into cooking the food, but in making it look nice. But I was content with my little plastic bowl and my mac and cheese. And then, when we all realized that there were more girls than guys, and that about 6 of us wouldn't (and didn't) get picked, oh, I was so relieved! No more pressure, no more having to explain why I'm eating funny, no more small talk, it was heaven! I got to sit with the other girls who also, unfortunately, were not picked, and one guy who came too late to pick a dinner.
Then, dessert time came. I went, picked a dessert, and ate with a very nice, very cool guy. We even exchanged some ballroom dance moves. But, though he was, again, very cool, I simply did not want to go out on a date with him. And not just him, with anybody. Thus, my epiphany.
Now, don't get me wrong, my epiphany isn't just that I like being single, but that I am beyond ok with being single and waiting until someone I can see myself being with for a very long time comes along. Maybe that will happen next week, maybe ten years from now. All I know is, right now, I am happy with my life where it is. I'm happy going to school and studying music. I'm happy with my job(s). I'm even happy that I'm currently experiencing major car trouble right now, as weird as that sounds. I'm just enjoying life, and all the wonderful things it's been throwing at me. I'm really happy with everything right now. Ok, yeah, I like too complain about how my jaw hurts, and I'm still eating funny, but it's better than the alternative, which is the wisdom teeth that were in my mouth squishing all my teeth together. And, I have to admit, I kind of liked being able to lounge around for a few days and not feel guilty. And, I've recovered so much faster than what the dentist told me I might. Like, seriously. Very little swelling, the bleeding stopped on the same day I got them out, and I can already eat solid food, albeit a little bit weird. But when it comes to the consumption of yummy food, what does that matter?
All in all, I'm doing good. I have great friends, a loving family, my relationship with God is growing by the day, I get to sing on an almost daily basis as part of my college studies, and so much more. Who says it's hard being single and happy? And you know what else I've noticed? I no longer feel jealous of anyone who IS in a relationship, like I used to. Now, I can honestly be happy for them, no strings attached. Who knows what will come of this new found freedom and joy I'm experiencing? Maybe little to nothing will change. Maybe everything will. But whatever happens, I know one thing for sure; it's a good life, single or not :)
Wednesday, June 19, 2013
Life changing moments.
So, lately, I've been experiencing many life-changing moments. Some good, some bad, some that could be taken either way, depending on my reaction. Now, I've always been pretty good at adapting to change, but very rarely in my life have I had to deal with multiple life-changing experiences all at once.
The first time was when my brother was on a mission in Russia, and my mom got breast cancer. He hadn't been gone for very long when we found out about her cancer, and I was still getting into the rhythm of being the only child at home. And then suddenly, not only was I the only child at home, but I was the only healthy person at home.I was ten at the time, and if I'm being honest, I don't really remember much of that time in my life.
But lately, it seems as though every change that is happening is big. The first one being that I got into my first college musical, which is exciting, and soooo much fun! I am having so much fun in rehearsal, and can not wait until I get to go again. I'm also helping out with some of the sewing that needs to be done, which I love to do :) I'm really looking forward to our performances, even though it will mean the end. I've made friends and have learned so much so far, that I know this will be one of my favorite memories of college :)
One of the other bits of news was the fact that I need a job. Like, desperately, need a job (note the present tense). And despite all my efforts, I am still looking. Then, I found out that my car was broken, and after spending a bunch of money thinking I was fixing it, discovered that it was beyond repair and I would have to buy a new one, or go without. Since I am currently a poor college student with no source of income, I have to go without. I do, however, have enough saved up from the job I had previously, plus a little extra from a scholarship I got, to buy a bike for under $200. This will be a big change because one, I live in an extremely hot place where we don't really have seasons, just boiling hot, hot, warm, and slightly cool, and occasionally, cold. Occasionally. And, I haven't actually ridden a bike since I was around twelve years old. And the fact that there's a hill I would have to ride up and down every single day, and that my school is a good distance away, makes riding a bike everywhere not the best thing in the world, no matter how much I've missed it.
So, first, financial troubles, not only for me, but for other members of my family. Then, car breaks. Then, finding out that a family member has a big medical problem that I was the last to find out about. That bit of news was what I fondly call, the absolute Last. Straw. Because the whole not having a job thing will pass eventually. I will get a job, and be able to save up for a nice, cheap, used car, and anything else I need (laptop, rent, food, etc...). And, even though it's not the most ideal of situations, I am genuinely excited at the prospect of buying a bike and riding again, not to mention the fact that I will get a lot of exercise done while doing something I actually enjoy. But learning that someone whom I love dearly has this issue, and that I was not told and found out through overhearing a phone conversation between them and another family member?! Because this is, at least in my eyes, a BIG deal. This is not something that's just going to go away without some serious help, and it is not going to be easy, for any of us, most of all the one who has to go through this ordeal. And being excluded from knowing? Not the best feeling in the world. I understand, I think, why they did it, but it doesn't make me feel any better about it. And I can't tell if that makes me a terrible person or not.
I try to be a positive person, and most of the time, I am. Except lately, that is. It seems like one thing after another is just piling on top of me, and I don't know where to go or what to do, because as soon as I fix one thing, another twenty things will be there, waiting.
The broken car? No problem, I'll just bike everywhere and get in crazy good shape. No job? No worries, I'll just be on a super strict budget and keep applying until I have one. Being in a musical? GREAT. I LOVE IT TO PIECES. But to be excluded from knowledge this vital about someone you love? I don't know if this is because I just barely found out, or what, but it feels like too much on top of everything else.
My life has been changing, it seems, very rapidly lately. And so far, it shows no signs of stopping.
But, as it is with all bad things, I've noticed all the good in my life. I had the good sense to save up enough of my money that I will not be entirely without a way of getting around. I've also realized how amazing all the friends I've made are. I mean, I've always known they were amazing and there for me no matter what, but lately it seems I've needed them more than ever, and they have all stepped up to the plate when called upon, and my love for them has grown more than I ever would have realized it could. I've also realized, more than ever, what is truly important to me in my life, and that by clinging to my faith and to the love that my Heavenly Father has for me, I can get through anything. So, even though the first part of this is mostly me ranting and sounding negative, I know that eventually, this storm will pass, and I will be the stronger for it. So come what may, for I am loved and protected, and with that knowledge, and with obedience to all of God's commandments, I can get through anything. I may be feeling sad, hurt, a bit hopeless, and even a little angry right now, but that's ok. As long as I recognize those feelings and am able to let them go and focus on my love for life and for all those around me, and most of all, my Heavenly Father, and all that I have been so fortunate to be blessed with, I'll be ok. So bring it on, world. Bring. It. On. (But not for a while, please, I think I'm good for now :P)
P.S. Take life changing moments in stride, and know that, though things may be different, that's not necessarily always bad, and without change, we would not have growth or learning. So please, focus more on the positive parts of this long rant of mine. And God bless :)
The first time was when my brother was on a mission in Russia, and my mom got breast cancer. He hadn't been gone for very long when we found out about her cancer, and I was still getting into the rhythm of being the only child at home. And then suddenly, not only was I the only child at home, but I was the only healthy person at home.I was ten at the time, and if I'm being honest, I don't really remember much of that time in my life.
But lately, it seems as though every change that is happening is big. The first one being that I got into my first college musical, which is exciting, and soooo much fun! I am having so much fun in rehearsal, and can not wait until I get to go again. I'm also helping out with some of the sewing that needs to be done, which I love to do :) I'm really looking forward to our performances, even though it will mean the end. I've made friends and have learned so much so far, that I know this will be one of my favorite memories of college :)
One of the other bits of news was the fact that I need a job. Like, desperately, need a job (note the present tense). And despite all my efforts, I am still looking. Then, I found out that my car was broken, and after spending a bunch of money thinking I was fixing it, discovered that it was beyond repair and I would have to buy a new one, or go without. Since I am currently a poor college student with no source of income, I have to go without. I do, however, have enough saved up from the job I had previously, plus a little extra from a scholarship I got, to buy a bike for under $200. This will be a big change because one, I live in an extremely hot place where we don't really have seasons, just boiling hot, hot, warm, and slightly cool, and occasionally, cold. Occasionally. And, I haven't actually ridden a bike since I was around twelve years old. And the fact that there's a hill I would have to ride up and down every single day, and that my school is a good distance away, makes riding a bike everywhere not the best thing in the world, no matter how much I've missed it.
So, first, financial troubles, not only for me, but for other members of my family. Then, car breaks. Then, finding out that a family member has a big medical problem that I was the last to find out about. That bit of news was what I fondly call, the absolute Last. Straw. Because the whole not having a job thing will pass eventually. I will get a job, and be able to save up for a nice, cheap, used car, and anything else I need (laptop, rent, food, etc...). And, even though it's not the most ideal of situations, I am genuinely excited at the prospect of buying a bike and riding again, not to mention the fact that I will get a lot of exercise done while doing something I actually enjoy. But learning that someone whom I love dearly has this issue, and that I was not told and found out through overhearing a phone conversation between them and another family member?! Because this is, at least in my eyes, a BIG deal. This is not something that's just going to go away without some serious help, and it is not going to be easy, for any of us, most of all the one who has to go through this ordeal. And being excluded from knowing? Not the best feeling in the world. I understand, I think, why they did it, but it doesn't make me feel any better about it. And I can't tell if that makes me a terrible person or not.
I try to be a positive person, and most of the time, I am. Except lately, that is. It seems like one thing after another is just piling on top of me, and I don't know where to go or what to do, because as soon as I fix one thing, another twenty things will be there, waiting.
The broken car? No problem, I'll just bike everywhere and get in crazy good shape. No job? No worries, I'll just be on a super strict budget and keep applying until I have one. Being in a musical? GREAT. I LOVE IT TO PIECES. But to be excluded from knowledge this vital about someone you love? I don't know if this is because I just barely found out, or what, but it feels like too much on top of everything else.
My life has been changing, it seems, very rapidly lately. And so far, it shows no signs of stopping.
But, as it is with all bad things, I've noticed all the good in my life. I had the good sense to save up enough of my money that I will not be entirely without a way of getting around. I've also realized how amazing all the friends I've made are. I mean, I've always known they were amazing and there for me no matter what, but lately it seems I've needed them more than ever, and they have all stepped up to the plate when called upon, and my love for them has grown more than I ever would have realized it could. I've also realized, more than ever, what is truly important to me in my life, and that by clinging to my faith and to the love that my Heavenly Father has for me, I can get through anything. So, even though the first part of this is mostly me ranting and sounding negative, I know that eventually, this storm will pass, and I will be the stronger for it. So come what may, for I am loved and protected, and with that knowledge, and with obedience to all of God's commandments, I can get through anything. I may be feeling sad, hurt, a bit hopeless, and even a little angry right now, but that's ok. As long as I recognize those feelings and am able to let them go and focus on my love for life and for all those around me, and most of all, my Heavenly Father, and all that I have been so fortunate to be blessed with, I'll be ok. So bring it on, world. Bring. It. On. (But not for a while, please, I think I'm good for now :P)
P.S. Take life changing moments in stride, and know that, though things may be different, that's not necessarily always bad, and without change, we would not have growth or learning. So please, focus more on the positive parts of this long rant of mine. And God bless :)
Friday, November 16, 2012
College...
Sooooo, I thought that once I got to college that I would be able to focus only on what I like to do, and not have to worry so much about what I don't like. Not true. I skipped my English and math class this whole week, a couple times by accident, but mostly on purpose. I'm just SO bored and over them, but I need to bring my grades up so I can keep my fafsa money and continue going to school. It's not that I don't know the stuff, or that I'm dumb, I'm just being lazy. And bored. That's all for now, I just needed to get my mini rant off my chest :P
Monday, September 24, 2012
Bored in class...
Soooo, I'm sitting here in computer class with nothing to do. I finished everything due for today last week, and the next stuff that's due isn't due for another three weeks or so, so I'm going to give myself a little break. I do have a math test later today, and as I type this I realize that I left my cinema paper at home in my cinema folder. Great. I do have a little time to go home and get it, if I drive super fast and run in and out of my house. Oh well. I can do it!
As you can probably guess (or not, I'm not very good at this yet), I'm trying to stay on the positive side about everything. Thinking positively, eliminating any negative words like "don't" and "can't" and saying "will" and "can" instead. I also need to write two papers tonight. Ok, technically one, but then I'd have to write the second tomorrow, so I'm trying to get both done tonight. They're both on the same subject, so it should be relatively easy. It WILL be relatively easy. (see what I did there? :P)
I'm half tempted to ask if I can just leave, but my professor already told us to do the next assignments if we're done with this week's, but I don't have the right book to do it, plus I don't want to, so yeah.
This is starting to feel more like a journal entry than a blog post. I usually at least try to make my blog posts entertaining and less like the random nonsense that goes on in my head. Even while writing this, my mind keeps going a million miles a minute, thinking about a hundred different things, which, if I wrote them all down, would no doubt confuse you. but I'll give you a glimpse anyway.
I'm thinking about wanting to watch Dead Poet's Society again, and how I'm done with thinking too much about guys seeing as I'm still very young, and the only guys who have hit on me have serious problems, and even if they didn't, I'm still not attracted to them in that way, so I'm good with focusing on other aspects of my life and not worrying about boys anymore. I'm also thinking about when the next LDSSA (a club I'm in, Latter-day Saint student association) meeting is, and what dress I want to buy for the homecoming dance, and about the next SDP meeting (another club, for theatre) and about my audition for the next play, and I'll stop right there. That's a little insight into my mind and how it works. Everything in there has a connection, I swear.
I'm wearing one of my new hats today. A straw fedora with a pink flower ribbon around the band (is that what that part of the hat is called?) It matches my new dress very well. I'm just a walking pink advertisement today. Everytime I wear pink now, I keep thinking about when we talked about the significance of colors and what they mean in cinema class. Pink represents sweetness. White, innocence and purity, red, danger, sensuality, and something else I can't remember, blue is usually very calming, and black is the most powerful color of all. Black represents power, and sensuality, and evil, and fear. When there's black on the screen, or you see someone walk in wearing black, your eye immediately goes to them. It's an attention grabbing color without being presumptuous, no ego, no conceit, just an acknowledgment of the power it holds over our emotions and impressions of it and the person wearing it. It's also a very slimming color :P
I like my theatre and cinema classes a lot. I even like my computer class, too, although I don't really think I want to take one ever again, unless it's a choice between math and computers, then I'd go with computers. I don't like my English or my math class very much. I've never been a big fan of math in the first place, so me not liking it doesn't come as all that big of a surprise, but my verdict on my English class does. English has always been one of my favorite classes. I looked forward to it (for the most part) every day, and enjoyed doing the homework. We read some amazing books, had deep, wonderful discussions, and wrote interesting papers. But that was in high school. In college English, you don't read books. You read the occasional short stories, but that's about it. In college English, you write. A LOT. Now, I like writing, obviously, but for some reason, assigned writing has never been something that I've liked very much. I like being able to write what I want, and when, and how long it is. But what's a girl to do. I also feel that the class is very easy, and can be a bit frustrating at times because of who I'm assigned to sit by. There's this one guy, in his thirties I believe, who does not stop talking smack about the professor. Ok, I get that it's been about 17 years since he was in high school, and this is his first time in college (I'm pretty sure) and all that, but dear goodness! You don't argue with the professor over a question that, while you got wrong because of the wording, others got right, and you don't criticize the way he speaks in front of the teacher himself. The professor in in charge of his classroom, he can do whatever the heck he wants, pretty much. Yeah, you may not always like it, but at least wait until you're out of class and earshot of the teacher to say so!
Anyway, I feel like I've used up enough space with my random rambling today. Until next time, when I will probably be back on here procrastinating writing my papers!
Peace, love, and chocolate, baby. Peace, love, and chocolate.
(And Robert Downey Jr. :P)
P.S. Look up his ^ cd, it's amazing! Love it to death :)
As you can probably guess (or not, I'm not very good at this yet), I'm trying to stay on the positive side about everything. Thinking positively, eliminating any negative words like "don't" and "can't" and saying "will" and "can" instead. I also need to write two papers tonight. Ok, technically one, but then I'd have to write the second tomorrow, so I'm trying to get both done tonight. They're both on the same subject, so it should be relatively easy. It WILL be relatively easy. (see what I did there? :P)
I'm half tempted to ask if I can just leave, but my professor already told us to do the next assignments if we're done with this week's, but I don't have the right book to do it, plus I don't want to, so yeah.
This is starting to feel more like a journal entry than a blog post. I usually at least try to make my blog posts entertaining and less like the random nonsense that goes on in my head. Even while writing this, my mind keeps going a million miles a minute, thinking about a hundred different things, which, if I wrote them all down, would no doubt confuse you. but I'll give you a glimpse anyway.
I'm thinking about wanting to watch Dead Poet's Society again, and how I'm done with thinking too much about guys seeing as I'm still very young, and the only guys who have hit on me have serious problems, and even if they didn't, I'm still not attracted to them in that way, so I'm good with focusing on other aspects of my life and not worrying about boys anymore. I'm also thinking about when the next LDSSA (a club I'm in, Latter-day Saint student association) meeting is, and what dress I want to buy for the homecoming dance, and about the next SDP meeting (another club, for theatre) and about my audition for the next play, and I'll stop right there. That's a little insight into my mind and how it works. Everything in there has a connection, I swear.
I'm wearing one of my new hats today. A straw fedora with a pink flower ribbon around the band (is that what that part of the hat is called?) It matches my new dress very well. I'm just a walking pink advertisement today. Everytime I wear pink now, I keep thinking about when we talked about the significance of colors and what they mean in cinema class. Pink represents sweetness. White, innocence and purity, red, danger, sensuality, and something else I can't remember, blue is usually very calming, and black is the most powerful color of all. Black represents power, and sensuality, and evil, and fear. When there's black on the screen, or you see someone walk in wearing black, your eye immediately goes to them. It's an attention grabbing color without being presumptuous, no ego, no conceit, just an acknowledgment of the power it holds over our emotions and impressions of it and the person wearing it. It's also a very slimming color :P
I like my theatre and cinema classes a lot. I even like my computer class, too, although I don't really think I want to take one ever again, unless it's a choice between math and computers, then I'd go with computers. I don't like my English or my math class very much. I've never been a big fan of math in the first place, so me not liking it doesn't come as all that big of a surprise, but my verdict on my English class does. English has always been one of my favorite classes. I looked forward to it (for the most part) every day, and enjoyed doing the homework. We read some amazing books, had deep, wonderful discussions, and wrote interesting papers. But that was in high school. In college English, you don't read books. You read the occasional short stories, but that's about it. In college English, you write. A LOT. Now, I like writing, obviously, but for some reason, assigned writing has never been something that I've liked very much. I like being able to write what I want, and when, and how long it is. But what's a girl to do. I also feel that the class is very easy, and can be a bit frustrating at times because of who I'm assigned to sit by. There's this one guy, in his thirties I believe, who does not stop talking smack about the professor. Ok, I get that it's been about 17 years since he was in high school, and this is his first time in college (I'm pretty sure) and all that, but dear goodness! You don't argue with the professor over a question that, while you got wrong because of the wording, others got right, and you don't criticize the way he speaks in front of the teacher himself. The professor in in charge of his classroom, he can do whatever the heck he wants, pretty much. Yeah, you may not always like it, but at least wait until you're out of class and earshot of the teacher to say so!
Anyway, I feel like I've used up enough space with my random rambling today. Until next time, when I will probably be back on here procrastinating writing my papers!
Peace, love, and chocolate, baby. Peace, love, and chocolate.
(And Robert Downey Jr. :P)
P.S. Look up his ^ cd, it's amazing! Love it to death :)
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