So, lately, I've been experiencing many life-changing moments. Some good, some bad, some that could be taken either way, depending on my reaction. Now, I've always been pretty good at adapting to change, but very rarely in my life have I had to deal with multiple life-changing experiences all at once.
The first time was when my brother was on a mission in Russia, and my mom got breast cancer. He hadn't been gone for very long when we found out about her cancer, and I was still getting into the rhythm of being the only child at home. And then suddenly, not only was I the only child at home, but I was the only healthy person at home.I was ten at the time, and if I'm being honest, I don't really remember much of that time in my life.
But lately, it seems as though every change that is happening is big. The first one being that I got into my first college musical, which is exciting, and soooo much fun! I am having so much fun in rehearsal, and can not wait until I get to go again. I'm also helping out with some of the sewing that needs to be done, which I love to do :) I'm really looking forward to our performances, even though it will mean the end. I've made friends and have learned so much so far, that I know this will be one of my favorite memories of college :)
One of the other bits of news was the fact that I need a job. Like, desperately, need a job (note the present tense). And despite all my efforts, I am still looking. Then, I found out that my car was broken, and after spending a bunch of money thinking I was fixing it, discovered that it was beyond repair and I would have to buy a new one, or go without. Since I am currently a poor college student with no source of income, I have to go without. I do, however, have enough saved up from the job I had previously, plus a little extra from a scholarship I got, to buy a bike for under $200. This will be a big change because one, I live in an extremely hot place where we don't really have seasons, just boiling hot, hot, warm, and slightly cool, and occasionally, cold. Occasionally. And, I haven't actually ridden a bike since I was around twelve years old. And the fact that there's a hill I would have to ride up and down every single day, and that my school is a good distance away, makes riding a bike everywhere not the best thing in the world, no matter how much I've missed it.
So, first, financial troubles, not only for me, but for other members of my family. Then, car breaks. Then, finding out that a family member has a big medical problem that I was the last to find out about. That bit of news was what I fondly call, the absolute Last. Straw. Because the whole not having a job thing will pass eventually. I will get a job, and be able to save up for a nice, cheap, used car, and anything else I need (laptop, rent, food, etc...). And, even though it's not the most ideal of situations, I am genuinely excited at the prospect of buying a bike and riding again, not to mention the fact that I will get a lot of exercise done while doing something I actually enjoy. But learning that someone whom I love dearly has this issue, and that I was not told and found out through overhearing a phone conversation between them and another family member?! Because this is, at least in my eyes, a BIG deal. This is not something that's just going to go away without some serious help, and it is not going to be easy, for any of us, most of all the one who has to go through this ordeal. And being excluded from knowing? Not the best feeling in the world. I understand, I think, why they did it, but it doesn't make me feel any better about it. And I can't tell if that makes me a terrible person or not.
I try to be a positive person, and most of the time, I am. Except lately, that is. It seems like one thing after another is just piling on top of me, and I don't know where to go or what to do, because as soon as I fix one thing, another twenty things will be there, waiting.
The broken car? No problem, I'll just bike everywhere and get in crazy good shape. No job? No worries, I'll just be on a super strict budget and keep applying until I have one. Being in a musical? GREAT. I LOVE IT TO PIECES. But to be excluded from knowledge this vital about someone you love? I don't know if this is because I just barely found out, or what, but it feels like too much on top of everything else.
My life has been changing, it seems, very rapidly lately. And so far, it shows no signs of stopping.
But, as it is with all bad things, I've noticed all the good in my life. I had the good sense to save up enough of my money that I will not be entirely without a way of getting around. I've also realized how amazing all the friends I've made are. I mean, I've always known they were amazing and there for me no matter what, but lately it seems I've needed them more than ever, and they have all stepped up to the plate when called upon, and my love for them has grown more than I ever would have realized it could. I've also realized, more than ever, what is truly important to me in my life, and that by clinging to my faith and to the love that my Heavenly Father has for me, I can get through anything. So, even though the first part of this is mostly me ranting and sounding negative, I know that eventually, this storm will pass, and I will be the stronger for it. So come what may, for I am loved and protected, and with that knowledge, and with obedience to all of God's commandments, I can get through anything. I may be feeling sad, hurt, a bit hopeless, and even a little angry right now, but that's ok. As long as I recognize those feelings and am able to let them go and focus on my love for life and for all those around me, and most of all, my Heavenly Father, and all that I have been so fortunate to be blessed with, I'll be ok. So bring it on, world. Bring. It. On. (But not for a while, please, I think I'm good for now :P)
P.S. Take life changing moments in stride, and know that, though things may be different, that's not necessarily always bad, and without change, we would not have growth or learning. So please, focus more on the positive parts of this long rant of mine. And God bless :)
