Girl likes boy. Boy likes different girl. Different girl likes boy back. First girl watches boy and different girl together.
Girl asks another boy somewhere. "Another" boy is nice. Girl starts thinking maybe she should like "another" boy to take mind off of boy. Doesn't quite work. Causes girl to go into emotional hysteria.
Boy seems to be paying less attention than ever to girl. Girl starts to notice and feels sad. Girl tries to talk to boy. Boy doesn't respond very well. Girl starts to get annoyed with herself but disguises it as being annoyed with boy. Maybe girl is annoyed with boy and the way he is acting. Maybe not. All this thinking is driving girl into yet another case of emotional hysteria.
Girl is very confused. Does girl like boy, or does she like "another" boy? Or maybe girl likes both, but in different ways. Maybe same way.
Oh, no, girl doesn't like that, not at all.
Girl notices that the more times she types girl just how strange looking a word it is, and how funny sounding, too.
Girl starts to wish that all this could just end and she could go back to being happy. Girl hates faking it.
Girl has lots of friends in relationships. Girl very happy for them. Girl also very sad and jealous.
Girl afraid of never finding anybody to love her. Girl even more afraid that she won't love them back, at least not for long. Girl worries that her emotions are too easily swayed. Girl also worries about being good enough, not really. Girl thinks that she is good enough, just worried boys won't think so.
Girl very tired of writing like this >:(
Girl just wants everything to be ok again. :/
Friday, February 25, 2011
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Just venting....
So, I've fallen for this guy. I know, I know, the story of every teenage girls' life. we fall for someone, we think that it's the end of the world if they don't notice us or happen to like someone else, or even worse, turn out to be a major jerk and end up breaking your heart on purpose. Then there are the ones who are your friends, and are totally oblivious to the fact that you like them, or think that it's just going to go away and it's fine, so they continue to flirt with other girls in front of you anyway. Stupid boys. Then there's this guy that I think I am totally giving the wrong impression to, the impression that I like him as more than a friend when I don't. I like him as just a friend, and I hate the fact that I might be giving him the wrong impression, but what can I do? I know, stop leading him on, but I never meant to in the first place, so how do I stop now? I was just being myself, wasn't I? Aren't I? I don't know.
Anyway, back to the guy that I DO like, I really am at a loss of what to do. I just keep feeling like I'm not good enough for him, that there's something that I don't have like I'm lacking an extremely important quality, and then I start to nitpick at everything about me, my weight, my life habits, the way I act, talk, my grades, the way that no guys that I am ever interested in like me. These last couple weeks, I've worried more and watched my weight more than I have ever watched it. And I've been comparing myself to a girl that I know he does (or at least used to, I don't know if he still does) like and wondering what she has that I don't, the I get even more depressed. And I've tried that experiment where you let them come to you instead of always going up to them, and not once has it worked. Mostly because I can't help not going up and talking to him when I have something to say, or when I need help with something and he's there to help me.
As the book says, Boys Are Stupid, Throw Rocks At Them. I don't actually know if that would make me feel better, but you never know.
You want to know what the really funny/ironic thing here is? I used to make fun of girls who got like this over guys ALL THE TIME. AND I swore that I would never act that way over a boy no matter what. Karma, I'm telling you.
Anyway, I've been in this position once before, I can get through it again. It won't be fun or easy, but I can. With the Lord, all things are possible, even what seems like a hopeless situation and impending heartbreak. :)
Anyway, back to the guy that I DO like, I really am at a loss of what to do. I just keep feeling like I'm not good enough for him, that there's something that I don't have like I'm lacking an extremely important quality, and then I start to nitpick at everything about me, my weight, my life habits, the way I act, talk, my grades, the way that no guys that I am ever interested in like me. These last couple weeks, I've worried more and watched my weight more than I have ever watched it. And I've been comparing myself to a girl that I know he does (or at least used to, I don't know if he still does) like and wondering what she has that I don't, the I get even more depressed. And I've tried that experiment where you let them come to you instead of always going up to them, and not once has it worked. Mostly because I can't help not going up and talking to him when I have something to say, or when I need help with something and he's there to help me.
As the book says, Boys Are Stupid, Throw Rocks At Them. I don't actually know if that would make me feel better, but you never know.
You want to know what the really funny/ironic thing here is? I used to make fun of girls who got like this over guys ALL THE TIME. AND I swore that I would never act that way over a boy no matter what. Karma, I'm telling you.
Anyway, I've been in this position once before, I can get through it again. It won't be fun or easy, but I can. With the Lord, all things are possible, even what seems like a hopeless situation and impending heartbreak. :)
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Poem for a boy
You look at me, you smile
I look back and smile even bigger.
You flirt, you tease, you talk, you help
You laugh at my jokes, then move on to someone else.
I see you flirting with her, the one you like
I look at her, wondering what you see in her that I don't have.
And so I start to change.
I work harder, try harder, talk to other people hoping that by not paying as much attention to you you might notice me for once.
I know what everyone says, don't change yourself just so someone will like you,
but what if that change is good?
What if by trying to get you to notice me, I become a better person?
But then I look at how jealous I get, and I the know the answer; If I were really a good person, I wouldn't be jealous of anyone, not even her, the girl you notice,
the girl you like.
So I wait until the day comes when I am finally over you, when I find someone who will love me back for me, someone for whom I won't have to change myself.
And all the while I can't help but think to myself in the dead of night
that all this is going to take a while.
I look back and smile even bigger.
You flirt, you tease, you talk, you help
You laugh at my jokes, then move on to someone else.
I see you flirting with her, the one you like
I look at her, wondering what you see in her that I don't have.
And so I start to change.
I work harder, try harder, talk to other people hoping that by not paying as much attention to you you might notice me for once.
I know what everyone says, don't change yourself just so someone will like you,
but what if that change is good?
What if by trying to get you to notice me, I become a better person?
But then I look at how jealous I get, and I the know the answer; If I were really a good person, I wouldn't be jealous of anyone, not even her, the girl you notice,
the girl you like.
So I wait until the day comes when I am finally over you, when I find someone who will love me back for me, someone for whom I won't have to change myself.
And all the while I can't help but think to myself in the dead of night
that all this is going to take a while.
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