I work in an office at my college, and today, as I sit behind my computer, directing people to the correct rooms for their various meetings and answering phones, I can overhear a student desperately telling a teacher that, after completing pre-req's for three different areas of study, he still doesn't know what he wants to do with his life. And while this is far from uncommon to overhear when one is in any school setting, this one instance, out of all the others, has gotten me thinking...
I've been very lucky in my life to always know exactly what I wanted to do. I even remember the exact moment I came to this realization. And even though, through the years, I've told people multiple things about my plans for the future, everything from being a High-school or college English professor, to working in the publishing and/or editing world, to being a writer myself, to a therapist, a book store owner, a librarian, a music teacher, a troubled teens counselor, owning and running my own magazine, etc..., and while many of these things still appeal to me, none of them hold as much appeal or make me as happy as my chosen path.
This has been difficult for many people, including members of my family, to accept and support. I can't tell you how many times I've gotten the question "But WHY do you want to do THAT?!" or "Don't you know how low the success rate is?", and while my answer never seems to satisfy them, I remain firm in my answer: It is what makes me happiest, it is what I feel I should be doing with my life at this point in time, and I love it, more than (just about) anything.
Part of the reason I've chosen the career I have is because I have never been one to think small. I truly believe that, with a lot of hard work, faith, and perseverance, one can accomplish anything within the realms of possibility, and sometimes even beyond. I look at the examples of the people we spend our childhoods reading and hearing about, Abraham Lincoln, Marie Curie, Martin Luther King Jr, The Wright Brothers, Thomas Edison, Helen Keller, people who faced incredible odds, who had an immense amount of opposition, and still were able to accomplish something great. My mom is also one of the greatest examples I have of someone overcoming seemingly impossible odds and becoming the stronger for it, as are many moms (and dads) throughout history and today.
With all these wonderful examples I've had throughout my life to look up to, can it be any surprise that my dreams are so much bigger than seems reasonable to those who question them? And why it is so hard for me to grasp why anyone would choose a different path than the one that makes them happiest, simply because the world tells them that it can't be done, or, at least, can't be done by the likes of them?
I've been there. I've gone through long periods of doubting if I had any talents to offer the world, or if I was just a tiresome, good-for-nothing leech clamped onto its back. I've ranted to friends, I've cried, I've moaned, I've prayed, I've practiced till I couldn't see straight anymore, and I've planned my "safety nets", but all in vain. You see, besides this strange fixation with people who have succeeded, I have also been blessed (or cursed, depending on how you see it) with an extreme stubbornness that could rival pack donkeys, and a good dosage of pride that makes even the most dignified lion look like a clumsy oaf. I tend to think of my stubbornness as "determination", and my pride as "composure", but who am I kidding. It was my stubbornness and my pride that kept me from changing my major, to keep practicing and seizing every opportunity to use my talents (as now I finally see them), simply because I had told people that this was what I was meant to do, and no way was I about to let them know I was wrong. Which, it turns out so far, I'm not. Not that I have any delusions of not changing my mind at any point in the future. In fact, I reserve the right to change my mind about any and every aspect of my life (aside from my belief in God) at any time I so please.
So, when I overhear someone saying that they don't know what they want to do with their lives, it makes me happy, once again, to have been blessed with knowing from a very young age what I wanted to do with my life, and to have it verified for me time and time again. Please understand, I'm not trying to brag, I'm trying to express my gratitude. Because who wouldn't be grateful to know where their life is going?
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Letter to Hermana Clanton. (Sorry!)
Ok, so if you're not the person named above, you're still welcome to read on, but this is specifically for her, as I am awful, and have not written her a letter and sent it yet (sorry again!) since I got her last letter. So if you have no idea what's going on or what I'm talking about, that's why.
Dear Hermana Clanton,
First of all, I AM SO SORRY, I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON, IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG SINCE I LAST WROTE YOU, SORRY, SORRY SORRY!
My wisdom teeth surgery went well. I'm sorry to inform you that I was not silly at all. I apparently cried the entire time. Cried, and whined that I looked like a chipmunk. But oh well, could have been worse. At least I compared myself to a chipmunk! I recovered pretty quickly. My surgery was on Saturday, and I was able to eat mac and cheese by Monday, and I had very little swelling. Seriously, you couldn't tell I had just had surgery by just looking at me!
So, remember that Christmas choir I was a part of? Well, we got invited to audition to sing the National Anthem at the Diamondback's Mormon night! And we got it! I'm proud to say that I got chosen to sing the high A in the audition tape! (the group was small enough that we only needed one person on the high note. At the actual game, we'll probably need three on it) It's on April 15th, and I'm super excited for it! :) This will be my second time performing at a Diamondback's game!
I got a new car. A brand new, little morning sky blue Versa Note. I'm leasing it for three years, with the intent to either purchase or trade in at the end of it, and my monthly payments are reasonable :) Also, I am now employed at three (yes, you read that correctly, three) places. One of them is only during school breaks, and another one is only during school, so I'm only going to be working 2 jobs at any given time :) I'm an office assistant at MCC, I'm a teaching assistant for the Mesa Arts Center's workshops for kids over the Summer, and am a part-time care-giver for elderly people who live at home. And after the Summer, I'm planning on NOT working on campus, but since I can't be both a full time care-giver AND a full time student, I'm going to probably get yet another part-time job, like at a restaurant or store or something, and continue working two part-time jobs while going to school.
I'm also moving out in July, so I've started saving up and looking around at a few different options. I'd like to stay in my current ward if possible, but it's not going to be a huge deal-breaker if I find a great place for cheap(ish) that's not.
I'm planning on just getting my general education associate's degree, and then finish my Bachelor's degree in (music or theatre) once I transfer to a university. I'm currently a vocal performance major, but I also want to study classical acting, so Idk. Lots f prayer and study and thoughts will be going into this big decision throughtout the next year or so :) I did find a few universities I'd be interested in attending, but aside from being split on a major, I also have to think about money :P (and I didn't even mention the fact that I want to somehow minor in genetics, don't get me started on how I'm going to manage that)
So, fun little tid-bit, in my acting 2 class right now, we're studying Shakespeare (Yay!) and I'm doing a two person scene from Othello, and in this scene, I get murdered. Well, one day, my acting partner (Jared) and I met up to practice in the theatre, but it was being used for something else, so we couldn't go in, so we decided to rehearse it outside instead. Now, not only am I being murdered in this scene, I put up a bit of a fight, and there's a lot of running and screaming involved (you'd scream too, if someone was trying to catch and strangle you!), so the looks we got from the people walking by was priceless, oh my goodness, so funny! Almost as funny when our class had to do our Greek monologues outside, and we'd go from almost whispering one second to shouting the next (the Greeks were all about the drama :P)
No guys in my life just now, and I'm cool with that :) I think I'm just starting to get the hang of being a single, full-time student, working adult who has to do things like make a car payment every month, and file for taxes (still need to do that! Yikes!), go grocery shopping, etc... Not saying that if the right guy came along, I'd be opposed to a relationship, but I definitely am not waiting around for prince charming or anything. I'm planning my life as though I'm going to have to support myself for a while, and plus, with the whole wanting to go out of state, possibly the country, for future college studies, a relationship might be difficult. Again, not saying no to the right person when he comes along, just not holding my breath waiting for him :)
The summer musical at MCC is going to either be Legally Blonde (if they can get the rights to it), or Guys and Dolls (if they don't get the rights to Legally Blonde). I'm excited for whichever one they do, though I probably won't have time to be a part of it this year, what with 2 jobs and trying to find an apartment and all that. Plus, I still need to figure out how to apply for summer fafsa. I already turned in my fall application, but I didn't see a place for summer term o.O (<---- confused face) I really want to just knock off a couple classes over the Summer so I can graduate ASAP and start looking at future plans and auditioning for programs and scholarships. As soon as I figure out which program I want to do, that is :P
That's really all I can think of right now. I know you asked me some questions, but I don't have the letter with me right now to answer them, so when I get home, I'll be sure to find it and answer them in my next blog post :) Write back whenever you have time, no rush! Be safe, and keep spreading the gospel :)
Love,
Laura
Dear Hermana Clanton,
First of all, I AM SO SORRY, I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON, IT HAS BEEN TOO LONG SINCE I LAST WROTE YOU, SORRY, SORRY SORRY!
My wisdom teeth surgery went well. I'm sorry to inform you that I was not silly at all. I apparently cried the entire time. Cried, and whined that I looked like a chipmunk. But oh well, could have been worse. At least I compared myself to a chipmunk! I recovered pretty quickly. My surgery was on Saturday, and I was able to eat mac and cheese by Monday, and I had very little swelling. Seriously, you couldn't tell I had just had surgery by just looking at me!
So, remember that Christmas choir I was a part of? Well, we got invited to audition to sing the National Anthem at the Diamondback's Mormon night! And we got it! I'm proud to say that I got chosen to sing the high A in the audition tape! (the group was small enough that we only needed one person on the high note. At the actual game, we'll probably need three on it) It's on April 15th, and I'm super excited for it! :) This will be my second time performing at a Diamondback's game!
I got a new car. A brand new, little morning sky blue Versa Note. I'm leasing it for three years, with the intent to either purchase or trade in at the end of it, and my monthly payments are reasonable :) Also, I am now employed at three (yes, you read that correctly, three) places. One of them is only during school breaks, and another one is only during school, so I'm only going to be working 2 jobs at any given time :) I'm an office assistant at MCC, I'm a teaching assistant for the Mesa Arts Center's workshops for kids over the Summer, and am a part-time care-giver for elderly people who live at home. And after the Summer, I'm planning on NOT working on campus, but since I can't be both a full time care-giver AND a full time student, I'm going to probably get yet another part-time job, like at a restaurant or store or something, and continue working two part-time jobs while going to school.
I'm also moving out in July, so I've started saving up and looking around at a few different options. I'd like to stay in my current ward if possible, but it's not going to be a huge deal-breaker if I find a great place for cheap(ish) that's not.
I'm planning on just getting my general education associate's degree, and then finish my Bachelor's degree in (music or theatre) once I transfer to a university. I'm currently a vocal performance major, but I also want to study classical acting, so Idk. Lots f prayer and study and thoughts will be going into this big decision throughtout the next year or so :) I did find a few universities I'd be interested in attending, but aside from being split on a major, I also have to think about money :P (and I didn't even mention the fact that I want to somehow minor in genetics, don't get me started on how I'm going to manage that)
So, fun little tid-bit, in my acting 2 class right now, we're studying Shakespeare (Yay!) and I'm doing a two person scene from Othello, and in this scene, I get murdered. Well, one day, my acting partner (Jared) and I met up to practice in the theatre, but it was being used for something else, so we couldn't go in, so we decided to rehearse it outside instead. Now, not only am I being murdered in this scene, I put up a bit of a fight, and there's a lot of running and screaming involved (you'd scream too, if someone was trying to catch and strangle you!), so the looks we got from the people walking by was priceless, oh my goodness, so funny! Almost as funny when our class had to do our Greek monologues outside, and we'd go from almost whispering one second to shouting the next (the Greeks were all about the drama :P)
No guys in my life just now, and I'm cool with that :) I think I'm just starting to get the hang of being a single, full-time student, working adult who has to do things like make a car payment every month, and file for taxes (still need to do that! Yikes!), go grocery shopping, etc... Not saying that if the right guy came along, I'd be opposed to a relationship, but I definitely am not waiting around for prince charming or anything. I'm planning my life as though I'm going to have to support myself for a while, and plus, with the whole wanting to go out of state, possibly the country, for future college studies, a relationship might be difficult. Again, not saying no to the right person when he comes along, just not holding my breath waiting for him :)
The summer musical at MCC is going to either be Legally Blonde (if they can get the rights to it), or Guys and Dolls (if they don't get the rights to Legally Blonde). I'm excited for whichever one they do, though I probably won't have time to be a part of it this year, what with 2 jobs and trying to find an apartment and all that. Plus, I still need to figure out how to apply for summer fafsa. I already turned in my fall application, but I didn't see a place for summer term o.O (<---- confused face) I really want to just knock off a couple classes over the Summer so I can graduate ASAP and start looking at future plans and auditioning for programs and scholarships. As soon as I figure out which program I want to do, that is :P
That's really all I can think of right now. I know you asked me some questions, but I don't have the letter with me right now to answer them, so when I get home, I'll be sure to find it and answer them in my next blog post :) Write back whenever you have time, no rush! Be safe, and keep spreading the gospel :)
Love,
Laura
Thursday, February 20, 2014
Biting off too much
I have a bad habit; I like to try and bite off more than I can chew. The problem, I believe, stems from this idea I have that I can do anything. Within the laws of physics, of course. And as long as it doesn't involve any sort of skates or wheels on my feet. Other than that, I have this insane confidence that, if I just work hard enough and sacrifice a little sleep here and there, I can tackle just about anything. Well, that thought process has finally met its downfall. This semester, I decided to take math 122.I have to get up to 140 to get my associate's in music, and 120/121/122 are the math classes you have to take before moving on to 140. And while they all teach the same math level, they are not identical in difficulty. 120 tends to meet every day, and have a review chapter at the beginning. 122, however, meets only twice a week, no review. I thought that I could handle 122. I really did. Boy, was I wrong.
First of all, math has never, ever since I was a child, been a strong point for me. Quite the opposite, in fact. It's been the only class to consistently keep me from that 4.0 GPA I so crave, keeping me within the range of 3.5-3.8, or even 3.9. But the only times I get a 4.0 are when I'm not enrolled in a math class.
Anyway, I thought that, with the only other class I'd be taking that didn't have anything to do with music or acting being history, I could totally keep up with 122. And I'm more sad than I can say to be proven wrong. No matter how much time I've spent on the homework, or how many notes and tutorials I've looked at online (I haven't gotten individual tutoring because I couldn't fit it into my school/work schedule), it just wasn't clicking for me. Usually my trouble with math is remembering what I've learned. I've never not been able to understand what I was being taught. In any class. Ever.
I don't blame the teacher, he's fantastic, and when I'm in class and he's showing us step by step, I understand it completely. It's when I strike out on my own that it all falls apart. Maybe if I had time to go to the tutoring center, or if I had taken 120, or if I hadn't had the play at the beginning of the semester that kept me up till 1 in the morning every night before having class at 9am every day. Maybe, I don't know. All I know is, I just finished emailing my math teacher asking him to withdraw me, and promising to either take his online class over the summer, or 120 in the Fall. I do have a test tomorrow in math, but I already know I'm not going to pass. This is a new thing for me.
Please, understand that my saying I know I'm not going to pass isn't me just being all woe is me, or being down on myself. I don't think I'm stupid. I just think that, for whatever reason, this class this semester is too much for me to handle. Maybe if I had better study and sleep habits. Maybe, maybe a lot of things. All I know is, as crappy as I feel for what, in my mind, I consider giving up, I know that if I don't understand the basics of what we're doing now, I won't be able to understand them later on. I'm still having to go back and review chapter one almost every day, and the teacher himself said that if we didn't understand chapter one completely, we were going to have a hard time in the class. And he was right. Maybe if I had a better understanding of chapter one.
I just hoping I'm not making a huge mistake, and that I can still graduate in Spring 2015 with my associate's. Even if I don't have my associate's by then, I am going to start looking t universities to transfer to, and scholarships and things I can get. I love MCC, I do, but I am so beyond ready to move on and see what else the world has to offer.
The important thing is God still loves me, even if this is a big mistake, He still loves and cares for me, and though this may cause some strife that possibly could have been avoided, I know that in the end, it will all turn out ok. I'll just have to marry a math genius or an accountant, that's all. Or a millionaire, that works too :P
First of all, math has never, ever since I was a child, been a strong point for me. Quite the opposite, in fact. It's been the only class to consistently keep me from that 4.0 GPA I so crave, keeping me within the range of 3.5-3.8, or even 3.9. But the only times I get a 4.0 are when I'm not enrolled in a math class.
Anyway, I thought that, with the only other class I'd be taking that didn't have anything to do with music or acting being history, I could totally keep up with 122. And I'm more sad than I can say to be proven wrong. No matter how much time I've spent on the homework, or how many notes and tutorials I've looked at online (I haven't gotten individual tutoring because I couldn't fit it into my school/work schedule), it just wasn't clicking for me. Usually my trouble with math is remembering what I've learned. I've never not been able to understand what I was being taught. In any class. Ever.
I don't blame the teacher, he's fantastic, and when I'm in class and he's showing us step by step, I understand it completely. It's when I strike out on my own that it all falls apart. Maybe if I had time to go to the tutoring center, or if I had taken 120, or if I hadn't had the play at the beginning of the semester that kept me up till 1 in the morning every night before having class at 9am every day. Maybe, I don't know. All I know is, I just finished emailing my math teacher asking him to withdraw me, and promising to either take his online class over the summer, or 120 in the Fall. I do have a test tomorrow in math, but I already know I'm not going to pass. This is a new thing for me.
Please, understand that my saying I know I'm not going to pass isn't me just being all woe is me, or being down on myself. I don't think I'm stupid. I just think that, for whatever reason, this class this semester is too much for me to handle. Maybe if I had better study and sleep habits. Maybe, maybe a lot of things. All I know is, as crappy as I feel for what, in my mind, I consider giving up, I know that if I don't understand the basics of what we're doing now, I won't be able to understand them later on. I'm still having to go back and review chapter one almost every day, and the teacher himself said that if we didn't understand chapter one completely, we were going to have a hard time in the class. And he was right. Maybe if I had a better understanding of chapter one.
I just hoping I'm not making a huge mistake, and that I can still graduate in Spring 2015 with my associate's. Even if I don't have my associate's by then, I am going to start looking t universities to transfer to, and scholarships and things I can get. I love MCC, I do, but I am so beyond ready to move on and see what else the world has to offer.
The important thing is God still loves me, even if this is a big mistake, He still loves and cares for me, and though this may cause some strife that possibly could have been avoided, I know that in the end, it will all turn out ok. I'll just have to marry a math genius or an accountant, that's all. Or a millionaire, that works too :P
I'd rather be singing....
I'd rather be singing. That's usually my thought process when I'm in the middle of math class, or when I finish a test early, or when eating lunch, or sleeping, or doing homework, or watching tv, etc... You get the point. There are very, very few times in my day to day life that I don't feel like bursting into song at any moment. The fact that I am able to control this urge about 85% of the time astonishes me. Of course, it is helped by the fact that I get to sing at least 6 days out of the week. Five at school, as a vocal performance major, and every Sunday in church. That's really where this all started, church. Without it, I have no idea how long it would have taken me to discover my love of all things music, particularly singing.
Watching singing competitions is both exciting and dull for me. I love watching people go out there and do what they love to do, and I love all different types of voices and music and discovering new artists to listen to. That's the exciting part. The dull part, for me, is that I'm not up there with them. Because, you see, I'd rather be singing.
Dancing is great, and going to swing clubs and wedding receptions and the homecoming dance at school is all fun and games, and I LOVE to dance. But, more often than not, I find myself singing along to the song and paying more attention to how I'm harmonizing with the song than how I'm moving to it. This can be to my advantage, as I tend to be a better dancer when I stop thinking about it and just do it (I'm a chronic over thinker), but it also makes me sad. Why? Because, I'd rather be singing. I'd rather be up on that stage, in front of a mike, singing my heart out and busting a move than just dancing. And I really love to dance.
It takes a lot for me to not feel like singing. I have to be super sick, for example. The kind of sick where literally all you can do is lie in bed all day moaning and sleeping. Or, in the middle of a riveting discussion. Or, surprisingly enough, learning more about biology and genetics (I LOVE genetics, so much so that I'm trying to figure out how to minor in it without killing myself from work overload in the process). And even then, if given the choice, I'd most likely rather be singing. Maybe someday they'll come up with songs to help teach us about dominant and recessive genes. Or, my life will suddenly turn into a musical, and people will start singing and dancing what they want to say. I'd be so down for that, you have no idea...
I guess it's a good thing my major is so focused on music, particularly singing. And I guess it's a good thing I can carry a tune. It's always amazed me how what people want to do with their lives almost always seems to correlate with what they do best. Do we want to do what we want because we're good at it, or are we good at it because we love it so much we work at it till we are? Or is it a combination of the two? Or just sheer, dumb luck? I'm a fan of all of the above :) That, and God's plan for each of us. How lucky I am that I was given this love for performing, and the opportunity to do it as part of my career. Now, if you don't mind, I have some music to practice. After all, I'd rather be singing.
Watching singing competitions is both exciting and dull for me. I love watching people go out there and do what they love to do, and I love all different types of voices and music and discovering new artists to listen to. That's the exciting part. The dull part, for me, is that I'm not up there with them. Because, you see, I'd rather be singing.
Dancing is great, and going to swing clubs and wedding receptions and the homecoming dance at school is all fun and games, and I LOVE to dance. But, more often than not, I find myself singing along to the song and paying more attention to how I'm harmonizing with the song than how I'm moving to it. This can be to my advantage, as I tend to be a better dancer when I stop thinking about it and just do it (I'm a chronic over thinker), but it also makes me sad. Why? Because, I'd rather be singing. I'd rather be up on that stage, in front of a mike, singing my heart out and busting a move than just dancing. And I really love to dance.
It takes a lot for me to not feel like singing. I have to be super sick, for example. The kind of sick where literally all you can do is lie in bed all day moaning and sleeping. Or, in the middle of a riveting discussion. Or, surprisingly enough, learning more about biology and genetics (I LOVE genetics, so much so that I'm trying to figure out how to minor in it without killing myself from work overload in the process). And even then, if given the choice, I'd most likely rather be singing. Maybe someday they'll come up with songs to help teach us about dominant and recessive genes. Or, my life will suddenly turn into a musical, and people will start singing and dancing what they want to say. I'd be so down for that, you have no idea...
I guess it's a good thing my major is so focused on music, particularly singing. And I guess it's a good thing I can carry a tune. It's always amazed me how what people want to do with their lives almost always seems to correlate with what they do best. Do we want to do what we want because we're good at it, or are we good at it because we love it so much we work at it till we are? Or is it a combination of the two? Or just sheer, dumb luck? I'm a fan of all of the above :) That, and God's plan for each of us. How lucky I am that I was given this love for performing, and the opportunity to do it as part of my career. Now, if you don't mind, I have some music to practice. After all, I'd rather be singing.
Tuesday, February 11, 2014
The Single Life
So, I had an epiphany last night; I like being single. Not only do I like being single, I can see myself staying single for a while. Now, that's not to say I would turn down Mr. Right when he comes along just to keep up with my netflix and pj weekends, but until "The One" comes along, I'm good. Let me explain.
Last night, my church had a picnic/speed dating activity. The girls brought a dinner for two in a basket or bag or container of some sort, while the guys brought a blanket and a dessert for two. First, we all had a lovely salad together in groups of 10 to 14 people. Then after 15 minutes or so, the guys picked a dinner and enjoyed a lovely starlit picnic with the girl who made the dinner they chose. After about 20 minutes, the girls would go and pick a dessert, and have dessert with the guy who brought whatever it is they chose. Pretty simple, yeah? And all in good fun. Not so much.
Oh, don't get me wrong, everyone there was great, the activity was well thought out, and I loved the picnic. My problem is not with the picnic, or with anyone that was there, or what did or didn't happen; my problem is with me, and the epiphany I had.
You see, right as the guys started walking towards the table laden with all our dinners in their various baskets and bags, I realized, I didn't want anyone to choose my dinner. Not that I have a problem sharing my food, I brought more than enough. I just realized, right in that moment, that despite my main objective of getting to know more guys in the hopes of getting a date or two (Actually, this is a lie. My ultimate main objective was to eat yummy food. Which I did, so mission accomplished :) ), I actually didn't want to walk away that night with any dates. And, I think I subconsciously knew that before going. Despite knowing that we were supposed to put our prepared dinners in a basket or bag of some sort, I instead went for the "container" portion of the invite, and put my mac and cheese (I was, and still am, recovering from getting my wisdom teeth out, and mac and cheese was one of the few solid foods I could eat at the time) in a little tupperware on top of two plastic plates. Not the most attractive thing in the world. But, honestly, I did't feel bad about it. Maybe I should have; after all, there were a lot of people who put a lot of effort not only into cooking the food, but in making it look nice. But I was content with my little plastic bowl and my mac and cheese. And then, when we all realized that there were more girls than guys, and that about 6 of us wouldn't (and didn't) get picked, oh, I was so relieved! No more pressure, no more having to explain why I'm eating funny, no more small talk, it was heaven! I got to sit with the other girls who also, unfortunately, were not picked, and one guy who came too late to pick a dinner.
Then, dessert time came. I went, picked a dessert, and ate with a very nice, very cool guy. We even exchanged some ballroom dance moves. But, though he was, again, very cool, I simply did not want to go out on a date with him. And not just him, with anybody. Thus, my epiphany.
Now, don't get me wrong, my epiphany isn't just that I like being single, but that I am beyond ok with being single and waiting until someone I can see myself being with for a very long time comes along. Maybe that will happen next week, maybe ten years from now. All I know is, right now, I am happy with my life where it is. I'm happy going to school and studying music. I'm happy with my job(s). I'm even happy that I'm currently experiencing major car trouble right now, as weird as that sounds. I'm just enjoying life, and all the wonderful things it's been throwing at me. I'm really happy with everything right now. Ok, yeah, I like too complain about how my jaw hurts, and I'm still eating funny, but it's better than the alternative, which is the wisdom teeth that were in my mouth squishing all my teeth together. And, I have to admit, I kind of liked being able to lounge around for a few days and not feel guilty. And, I've recovered so much faster than what the dentist told me I might. Like, seriously. Very little swelling, the bleeding stopped on the same day I got them out, and I can already eat solid food, albeit a little bit weird. But when it comes to the consumption of yummy food, what does that matter?
All in all, I'm doing good. I have great friends, a loving family, my relationship with God is growing by the day, I get to sing on an almost daily basis as part of my college studies, and so much more. Who says it's hard being single and happy? And you know what else I've noticed? I no longer feel jealous of anyone who IS in a relationship, like I used to. Now, I can honestly be happy for them, no strings attached. Who knows what will come of this new found freedom and joy I'm experiencing? Maybe little to nothing will change. Maybe everything will. But whatever happens, I know one thing for sure; it's a good life, single or not :)
Last night, my church had a picnic/speed dating activity. The girls brought a dinner for two in a basket or bag or container of some sort, while the guys brought a blanket and a dessert for two. First, we all had a lovely salad together in groups of 10 to 14 people. Then after 15 minutes or so, the guys picked a dinner and enjoyed a lovely starlit picnic with the girl who made the dinner they chose. After about 20 minutes, the girls would go and pick a dessert, and have dessert with the guy who brought whatever it is they chose. Pretty simple, yeah? And all in good fun. Not so much.
Oh, don't get me wrong, everyone there was great, the activity was well thought out, and I loved the picnic. My problem is not with the picnic, or with anyone that was there, or what did or didn't happen; my problem is with me, and the epiphany I had.
You see, right as the guys started walking towards the table laden with all our dinners in their various baskets and bags, I realized, I didn't want anyone to choose my dinner. Not that I have a problem sharing my food, I brought more than enough. I just realized, right in that moment, that despite my main objective of getting to know more guys in the hopes of getting a date or two (Actually, this is a lie. My ultimate main objective was to eat yummy food. Which I did, so mission accomplished :) ), I actually didn't want to walk away that night with any dates. And, I think I subconsciously knew that before going. Despite knowing that we were supposed to put our prepared dinners in a basket or bag of some sort, I instead went for the "container" portion of the invite, and put my mac and cheese (I was, and still am, recovering from getting my wisdom teeth out, and mac and cheese was one of the few solid foods I could eat at the time) in a little tupperware on top of two plastic plates. Not the most attractive thing in the world. But, honestly, I did't feel bad about it. Maybe I should have; after all, there were a lot of people who put a lot of effort not only into cooking the food, but in making it look nice. But I was content with my little plastic bowl and my mac and cheese. And then, when we all realized that there were more girls than guys, and that about 6 of us wouldn't (and didn't) get picked, oh, I was so relieved! No more pressure, no more having to explain why I'm eating funny, no more small talk, it was heaven! I got to sit with the other girls who also, unfortunately, were not picked, and one guy who came too late to pick a dinner.
Then, dessert time came. I went, picked a dessert, and ate with a very nice, very cool guy. We even exchanged some ballroom dance moves. But, though he was, again, very cool, I simply did not want to go out on a date with him. And not just him, with anybody. Thus, my epiphany.
Now, don't get me wrong, my epiphany isn't just that I like being single, but that I am beyond ok with being single and waiting until someone I can see myself being with for a very long time comes along. Maybe that will happen next week, maybe ten years from now. All I know is, right now, I am happy with my life where it is. I'm happy going to school and studying music. I'm happy with my job(s). I'm even happy that I'm currently experiencing major car trouble right now, as weird as that sounds. I'm just enjoying life, and all the wonderful things it's been throwing at me. I'm really happy with everything right now. Ok, yeah, I like too complain about how my jaw hurts, and I'm still eating funny, but it's better than the alternative, which is the wisdom teeth that were in my mouth squishing all my teeth together. And, I have to admit, I kind of liked being able to lounge around for a few days and not feel guilty. And, I've recovered so much faster than what the dentist told me I might. Like, seriously. Very little swelling, the bleeding stopped on the same day I got them out, and I can already eat solid food, albeit a little bit weird. But when it comes to the consumption of yummy food, what does that matter?
All in all, I'm doing good. I have great friends, a loving family, my relationship with God is growing by the day, I get to sing on an almost daily basis as part of my college studies, and so much more. Who says it's hard being single and happy? And you know what else I've noticed? I no longer feel jealous of anyone who IS in a relationship, like I used to. Now, I can honestly be happy for them, no strings attached. Who knows what will come of this new found freedom and joy I'm experiencing? Maybe little to nothing will change. Maybe everything will. But whatever happens, I know one thing for sure; it's a good life, single or not :)
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