New opinion...

So, I don't hate all teenage boys anymore. I wrote that out of anger at one guy, and that's not fair to all the other guys out there. Soooo, not all teenage boys are horrible people. Just like not all teenage girls are perfect little angels.
I was going to talk all about Sadies in this post, but I'm really busy right now, so I'll just make a new one later and tell all about it then. :) Just let me say this: IT. WAS. AWESOME!!!! :D Soooo, yeah. More to come :)

Teenage boys....

So, I have this theory, please correct me if I'm wrong (and I don't think I am), but I have this theory that teenage boys are the stupidest creatures ever to walk the planet Earth (with a few exceptions who are few and far between and very rare). Seriously. What my cousin Jenn said about boys being stupid till they get back from their missions and get a masters degree, then they're finally decent, is soooo true. At least, it sure looks like that right now. And I'm sure the more boys I get to know, that this belief will only continue to build  >:(
So, I found out that, apparently, the guy I like is a major player. As in, he has a girl for every day of the week. He'll ignore you for most of the time, but when it comes to be your turn, he'll pay all the attention in the world to you, the go back to ignoring you all over again. And I realized as the person who was telling me all this said that that it really was true, except for two people: me and the girl he likes. Me, because I don't wait for him to come up and talk to me, I go up and talk to him, so as the person told me this after I said this, "See, he probably didn't even need a day for you; you talk to him all by yourself." Or something like that. Close enough. And also the girl he likes because, well, it's the girl he likes, so they're always together, etc....
I went to visit my dad today. I sat down by his grave and talked to him, about boys, about my talk that I'm going to be giving in stake conference, just stuff going on in my life, etc...  I miss him so much, especially right now in my life. I know about the Plan of Salvation and all that, but it doesn't quite numb the pain of missing him or anything. I have more to say, but I'm tired of writing, so I'll stop here, except for one more thing. SADIES IS TOMORROW, AHHHHHH!!!!!! :D I'm glad I have the date I have. He's awesome, even if he is a bit of a flirt at times, he's a nice guy and is very sincere. :) Well, at least I have one thing to look forward to involving boys this weekend.

My current love situation...

Girl likes boy. Boy likes different girl. Different girl likes boy back. First girl watches boy and different girl together.
Girl asks another boy somewhere. "Another" boy is nice. Girl starts thinking maybe she should like "another" boy to take mind off of boy. Doesn't quite work. Causes girl to go into emotional hysteria.
Boy seems to be paying less attention than ever to girl. Girl starts to notice and feels sad. Girl tries to talk to boy. Boy doesn't respond very well. Girl starts to get annoyed with herself but disguises it as being annoyed with boy. Maybe girl is annoyed with boy and the way he is acting. Maybe not. All this thinking is driving girl into yet another case of emotional hysteria.
Girl is very confused. Does girl like boy, or does she like "another" boy? Or maybe girl likes both, but in different ways. Maybe same way.
Oh, no, girl doesn't like that, not at all.
Girl notices that the more times she types girl just how strange looking a word it is, and how funny sounding, too.
Girl starts to wish that all this could just end and she could go back to being happy. Girl hates faking it.
Girl has lots of friends in relationships. Girl very happy for them. Girl also very sad and jealous.
Girl afraid of never finding anybody to love her. Girl even more afraid that she won't love them back, at least not for long. Girl worries that her emotions are too easily swayed. Girl also worries about being good enough, not really. Girl thinks that she is good enough, just worried boys won't think so.
Girl very tired of writing like this  >:(
Girl just wants everything to be ok again. :/

Just venting....

So, I've fallen for this guy. I know, I know, the story of every teenage girls' life. we fall for someone, we think that it's the end of the world if they don't notice us or happen to like someone else, or even worse, turn out to be a major jerk and end up breaking your heart on purpose. Then there are the ones who are your friends, and are totally oblivious to the fact that you like them, or think that it's just going to go away and it's fine, so they continue to flirt with other girls in front of you anyway. Stupid boys. Then there's this guy that I think I am totally giving the wrong impression to, the impression that I like him as more than a friend when I don't. I like him as just a friend, and I hate the fact that I might be giving him the wrong impression, but what can I do? I know, stop leading him on, but I never meant to in the first place, so how do I stop now? I was just being myself, wasn't I? Aren't I? I don't know.
Anyway, back to the guy that I DO like, I really am at a loss of what to do. I just keep feeling like I'm not good enough for him, that there's something that I don't have like I'm lacking an extremely important quality, and then I start to nitpick at everything about me, my weight, my life habits, the way I act, talk, my grades, the way that no guys that I am ever interested in like me. These last couple weeks, I've worried more and watched my weight more than I have ever watched it. And I've been comparing myself to a girl that I know he does (or at least used to, I don't know if he still does) like and wondering what she has that I don't, the I get even more depressed. And I've tried that experiment where you let them come to you instead of always going up to them, and not once has it worked. Mostly because I can't help not going up and talking to him when I have something to say, or when I need help with something and he's there to help me.
As the book says, Boys Are Stupid, Throw Rocks At Them. I don't actually know if that would make me feel better, but you never know.
You want to know what the really funny/ironic thing here is? I used to make fun of girls who got like this over guys ALL THE TIME. AND I swore that I would never act that way over a boy no matter what. Karma, I'm telling you.
Anyway, I've been in this position once before, I can get through it again. It won't be fun or easy, but I can. With the Lord, all things are possible, even what seems like a hopeless situation and impending heartbreak. :)

Poem for a boy

You look at me, you smile
I look back and smile even bigger.
You flirt, you tease, you talk, you help
You laugh at my jokes, then move on to someone else.
I see you flirting with her, the one you like
I look at her, wondering what you see in her that I don't have.
And so I start to change.
I work harder, try harder, talk to other people hoping that by not paying as much attention to you you might notice me for once.
I know what everyone says, don't change yourself just so someone will like you,
but what if that change is good?
What if by trying to get you to notice me, I become a better person?
But then I look at how jealous I get, and I the know the answer; If I were really a good person, I wouldn't be jealous of anyone, not even her, the girl you notice,
the girl you like.
So I wait until the day comes when I am finally over you, when I find someone who will love me back for me, someone for whom I won't have to change myself.
And all the while I can't help but think to myself in the dead of night
that all this is going to take a while.

Been a while

Hey, so yeah, it's been a while since I've posted anything. Sorry about that. Life sure does get busy during the week, especially with school and all. Let me fill in on what happened this last week. I've been feeling kind of sick, if you remember from my previous entries, but even so, my friend Mary came over on Monday to hang out. We watched the first two episodes of Buffy, walked to Walmart to buy some snacks, got hit on by a car full of guys while walking back (they just honked and waved at us), then played Just Dance on the Wii while eating our snacks (yes, I know, counterproductive). Then, on Tuesday, I went to school, where I found out (during choir class) that our choir teacher was leaving and that we have a new one in her place. It was a big cry fest, especially since most of us have had her since junior high, and not just as a choir teacher, but also as an orchestra and band teacher too. Anyway, after we had all hugged her and got all the crying out of us, we sang our Les Miserables medley. And might I say, we're getting pretty darn good at it, too. Then, in my sci/fi/fantasy class, we watched most of an episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. We're going to (hopefully) finish it today. Then, yesterday (Wednesday), I went to school, like usual, and had a pretty normal day. Then, for mutual, we did extreme volleyball. A friend of mine and I decided to dress up crazy for it, including bright tights, awesome shorts, and headbands. :) It was pretty fun, although I managed to twist my ankle before I even got into the building by dancing to the music that someone was blasting from their car. But it didn't hurt that much, I still played and everything. It wasn't until this morning that it really started to hurt. Yeah, that's all my news so far. :) Drive safe, people.
~Laura 

My Sunday :)

Today was pretty much a typical Sunday. Went to church, had a great time, came home, ate lunch, and went to sleep. And boy, did I sleep for a LONG TIME. I think it has something to do with the fact that I am absolutely exhausted from having little kids around the house and the fact that I think that I'm getting sick. :(  But it was a good nap, so it's all good. I don't remember my dream, but I do remember that I had one. I hate when that happens, I like remembering my dreams. They make for very interesting stories. Anyway, then I talked for about two hours on the phone with one of my best friends, Mary. We're planning on hanging out tomorrow and watch Buffy, play the Wii, maybe take a walk down to Walmart or Shop Kwik (yes, I know ho to spell quick, but that's how the store spells it, kwik. Weird, right?) Anywho, I also talked to my "sister", Devaune (a really close friend who's more like a sister than a friend to me) for a little bit, mostly about boy troubles, and Celtic Thunder, whom we both happen to love oh so very much :) Now I'm going to go and watch a movie then go to bed. Yeah, peace out!
~Laura